ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
