Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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