I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
