My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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