he wants to bone in the snuggie
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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