is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
