I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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