so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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