Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
