im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
