So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
