He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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