Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
