yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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