Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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