Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
