He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
