Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize