Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
