I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
