i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I believe in your delicious
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
