I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
