well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
