I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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