i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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