Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
