I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
