remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
