I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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