so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think your dad took our porno
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
