every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
