When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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