i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
