So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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