It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
