I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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