so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
