Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
