just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
