my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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