she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
