just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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