On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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