I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
