The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
