i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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