You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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