Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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