benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
