shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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