I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
