I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
