Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
