His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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