margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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