It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
