It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
