Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
