So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
