if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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