It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
