What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
