The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we made out on top of his cat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize