A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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