I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize