I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
