I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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