weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
