FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
