There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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