I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
