no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
