I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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