So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
