I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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