U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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